When Two Become One

Love is in the air and wedding fever is reaching high temperatures. 

I can't help but smile and get teary eyed every time I witness the vows between a couple during a ceremony (perks of my wedding coordinator job.) Being as ridiculously emotional as I am, what melts my heart even more is listening to the stories in speeches from the families and friends that have watched the bride and groom over time fall in love, then wish them well as they embark on their journeys together from that day forward.

I look at my parents and how they still look at each other with love and compassion after 26 years of marriage. Their companionship, teamwork and friendship is admirable. They have not only vowed to love each other till death do they part, but continue to prove their love as they engage in everything they devote to one another. I have every reason to believe that love is everlasting, because I have parents who have made that possible to believe. They are the real proof. They make each other happy and mad at the same time, they have cute inside jokes from their dating years, they know each other’s flaws, each others greatest attributes, and they protect each other on a day to day basis. 

Society has every right to be terrified of marriage. The percentage rates have increased with a vast amount of couples separating or getting divorced within the first five years of their marriage. 

I found a quote from Paul Newman to his wife on their wedding day claiming that, “Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In 'the Art of Marriage', the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding rooms for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner."

We are all flawed humans. If you hope for perfection, butterflies, cupcakes, and unicorns, you will be severely disappointed. To be willing to work within the marriage is the largest commitment you have to be willing to make. Marrying your partner should not be terrifying, and it should not feel like a duty.

 Be the kind of person you want to fall in love with.