Run like you stole it.

Once upon a time, I almost quit at 29 minutes.

When I was creating my vision and goals worksheet at the end of the 2012 year, I never thought I'd be doing more editing, exceeding and expanding than I've marked up on my letter-sized, printed piece of paper. 
My method of urgency is simple. Few things keep me more at ease than seeing something written with a 'by-when' and scratching a thick dark line through the task that same day. 

I'm not a runner. I don't look pretty when I run like the youthful blondes on t.v do, cascading through a trail without a bead of sweat on their faces. I huff and I gasp for air. My thighs jiggle. My face looks terrified and pissed at the same time. 

I can't wait to finish the second I start.

Backspace 4 years ago when I started my journey of being a college athlete, where running is simply second nature. You do it to compete. You do it for punishment. You do it to ease your cluttered mind and you do it because you are usually rushing from one place to the other to be where you were supposed to be 15 minutes earlier. 

I hate everything about being in a hurry. It makes me anxious. It makes me really mad. 

Fast forward to this present moment. 

..Deadlines are my best friend, 
I have completed a 5k, 10k and my longest run to date is 1 hour and 50 minutes at a steady 10:55 pace, when I almost quit at 29 minutes.

Whewf.

1 year goal- I conquer something that terrifies me.

Lets dissect the roots of this.

I hated running. I hated being in a rush. I hated being late.

I hated the idea of not meeting expectations.

I associated this all with punishment and let down.

I never gave myself a chance to love something because I didn't give myself a chance to face my fear. 
All this time I was in control of my own punishment.

Do I sound like Dr. Phil yet?

Truth is, taking the time to myself to commit to something I loved to do gave me comfort.

I didn't feel so inferior to my own capabilities. 
I liked getting to know myself, to know my body, its limits and its freedom. 

I now run at least 10 miles a week. Not because someone told me to, but because I have that special time to myself. I breathe fresh air and if I need to, I lose control and scream at the pavement with my legs. That is my time to feel frustration, happiness, clarity and discomfort all at the same time. I learn more about myself because I take the time to do so. 

My legs do the work, my head just listens.

I run my first half marathon this upcoming August. It scares me to think I'm not terrified at all. I chose to do this. Not because I'm forced, but because my soul has this pulling sensation from my pre-arthritic ankles to my crunchy knees, to run right after my fear whenever I start my first long stride. No matter how sore I am or how resisted I feel from taking the next step, I do. 
I do, because I chose to do so and I'm capable of making my own choices. 

And that is pure, unconditional, self-love. 

if everyday goes like this, how do we survive?

The longing of wanting that 'something' more brews within me like a ticking time bomb.

The stability of staying comfortable and composed with subtle lifestyle changes is what we strive for, right? Finding the ideal job, making the right amount of money, marrying the right person, having the happiest family, being the right weight, saying the right things.

The steps to happiness are labeled in a correct order that is appealing to follow.

I'm no different. I want all of it. I want the order of how it's suppose to go.

Because having and pursuing all these steps keeps me grounded and settled. 

Problem is, we get lost in the lists. We lose ourselves a little in the process and you never seem to find whatever it is you want, when your looking for it. Our paths change and life happens. While we're planning it's stepping stones, a monsoon comes and knocks us into the river. We struggle for a bit, we rinse off, we rise and we continue to this invisible destination of completeness. 

My reminder of reality to myself is this..

Hey. Today doesn't have to go as planned. Be okay with the outcome. It's not always going to feel right. Make the best of each and every possibility. Know that you do not have control of what goes on, on the road. But your holding the reigns.

Suddenly the expectations, the to-do lists, the steps of how it should go, aren't so overwhelming anymore.

I'm happy, I'm listening and I'm in love with the possibility of uncertainty.
Live on.

year of the snake

Happy 2013 beauties!

What an exciting year to be a part of. When the clock hit midnight on January 1st, I did not feel any different, nor did I feel like a changed person. What I did feel was passion, energy, happiness and excitement with my surroundings and also a mean hangover a couple hours later.

Whats up for #princesspriorities this year, you ask?
Much.

I am taking this page to a whole nother level. 
Vamping the layout. Including links, lyrics, fellow bloggers blog posts, facebook posts, instant pictures, routines, tutorials, videos, a feature stories, diets, goals, workouts, and personal trials.

We are getting personal and I invite you all to know about it.

I have gone through some miraculous changes in the past five years. Game changers, epiphany's, low-blows, heart breaks and bat shit crazy encounters. 
I am a mold that has been shaped by Gods grace into something I can finally be proud of.

If you relate to this, I want to hear about it. I want to know what you've been through, what hit you at your hardest time, what made you want to understand that nagging feeling deep inside your heart that you were afraid to uncover. I want to relate to you and most importantly I want to know you. 

So many times we look at others in different situations than us and assume their motives. We judge them before we even have a chance to love what they have come from. The
next time you make a decision in haste, or suddenly feel so compelled to utter a word of insult, remember the times when you were at your lowest. Remember how much you craved a kind word, or a reminder that you are loved through all faults. 

Fall in love with yourselves every morning you wake up and every night before you fall asleep.

May this year and all your years to come be a privilege to grow from.

xo